Hey there,

A few weeks ago, I shared a story on LinkedIn about receiving feedback that completely caught me off guard. So many of you reached out saying, "This is exactly what I'm experiencing."

So I want to dig deeper into what happened, what I learned, and what this might mean for your leadership journey.

Alli

When Feedback Stings Most, That's When You're Learning

Last month, I received assessment results that rocked me.

My immediate response wasn't curiosity. It was resistance. That can't be right. Power? That doesn't match how I see myself at all.

The assessment revealed that my need for influence—to drive outcomes, make an impact—was shaping my leadership in ways I hadn't seen. I tend to speak first, move quickly, and rely on my own clarity to push things forward. What feels like momentum and decisiveness to me can land as dominance for others.

Not because I'm trying to shut people down. But because my presence takes up enough space that people stop pushing back.

And I had no idea it was happening.

Does This Sound Familiar?

You've spent years learning to own your authority in rooms that didn't always welcome it. Your decisive nature is one of your strengths—it's probably part of why you got promoted.

But somewhere along the way, that hard-won confidence may have tipped into something else:

• What feels like driving momentum
  → Might actually be shutting down dialogue
• What you think earns respect​
  → Might be why people have stopped pushing back

The very traits that made you excellent aren't fully serving you at this expanded strategic level.

When Resistance Becomes Information

When you receive feedback that doesn't match your self-image, what's your first reaction?

If you're like most high-achieving leaders, you feel your defenses rise, then eventually calm.

That resistance? That's exactly when you need to pause.

The question isn't: "Is this feedback accurate?"
​The question is: "What am I protecting?"

When feedback triggers intense defensiveness, you're often protecting an identity that matters deeply to you. Collaborative leader. Empowering manager. Someone who creates space for others.

But here's the reality: you can have the best intentions and still create unintended impact. Leadership effectiveness isn't measured by what you meant to do. It's measured by what others actually experience.

Why Self-Awareness Alone Doesn't Create Change

You can intellectually understand feedback and still struggle to act on it.

The more you rise within an organization, the fewer people there are to provide candid feedback. You may feel isolated, assuming other leaders have figured out what you're still learning. You might have access to professional development, but it often feels too generic.

You need answers to questions like:

• How do you maintain high standards without micromanaging?
• How do you stay authentic while adapting across stakeholders?
• How do you set boundaries without appearing uncommitted?
• How do you delegate effectively when you genuinely care about quality?

What creates sustainable change is having a dedicated partner who can create a judgment-free space where you can:

✓ Sit with feedback that stings without spiraling into shame
✓ Explore the gap between your intent and your impact
✓ Build new practices that honor both your strengths and your growth edges
✓ Develop the leadership resilience that prevents burnout

Does This Sound Like You?

You're navigating expanded leadership responsibility and sensing there are patterns you're not yet seeing. You're feeling the weight of increased expectations. You're wondering if the skills that got you here are fully serving you at this new level.

If this resonates, I'd welcome a conversation.

To your sustainable leadership,

Alli

P.S. If this resonated, just hit reply and let me know what landed. I'd love to hear from you!

And if you know another leader who might benefit from this perspective, feel free to forward this along.